For our next column in Curve, we'd like to include the best answer from you guys, too, along with our typical sass and fodder. What advice would you give Throwing in the Towel?Post it here or drop us an email at ask@lipstickdipstick.com. Do right away! Time is of the essence and we want your opinion!
Dear Lipstick & Dipstick: I recently started emailing a 38-year-old woman with two young sons on a dating site. We met and somehow ended up in bed the first date. The sex was wonderful, but I had reservations about someone who just seemed to want to have a sexual relationship and not spend anytime getting to really know me. Within a couple weeks she was already talking about moving in together and being a family. I've been in several long term relationships (10 years and 12 years) in the past and maybe I'm just old fashioned. Is this the "norm" in the lesbian community these days? Is this what they mean by "renting the U-Haul on the third date?" When I told her that things were moving too fast for me, she said she felt rejected and didn't understand. I cancelled my membership to the on-line dating service and I'm wondering if I'm too old (46) for this dating game anymore?—Throwing In the Towel
8 comments:
No, No, No! This is not the norm if you don't want it to be the norm for you! Sounds like it might be the norm for your new girl, though, so now's the time to think hard about what kind of person you're really looking for. Don't worry about "what lesbians are doing these days", but listen to your instincts, and if it feels fast and weird...step back in a big way. If her feelings are hurt because you want to slow down, talk to her about all of these concerns you have, and if she respects you, she'll give you some space. If she doesn't like it, she ain't worth your time...My advice is to move on, my dear.
Thanks Bonnie! Well said. Where are you from?
I don't think you are old fashion at all! Whats wrong with taking things slow and getting to know one another. i think now days people are just rushing into things, just because they feel that, thats what you are sapose to do. I am 38 and straight. I certainly cannot see myself "Renting a U-Haul" after one
encounter. keep doing what you'r doing, you'r doing the right thing.
Von
Honestly, if moving in doesn't feel right to you, then it's not the right time. Trust your gut instinct, but don't give up on finding the one just yet. How did you phrase "this is moving too fast" to your new girl? It could be she misunderstood what was actually going too fast. Was it moving in? Or was it the sex? Be clear about your feelings and intentions. Talk with her. If she's not willing to slow down, unwilling (or unable) to understand how you feel, move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so don't settle just because you feel you're getting "old."
As for renting a u-haul, you're right not to. I always used to move in on the second date, and it never turned out. So, I finally waited it out and moved in after 6 months. My rule, and it may be completely wrong, is that the honeymoon phase is over in 6-9 months, so move in then if you still feel that fire.
Don't THROW in the TOWEL just because you're 46. If you've had the romantic and emotional skills to sustain two VERY long term relationships, then I'm sure you've got what it takes to find Ms. Right instead of Ms. Right Away. This woman has TWO SMALL KIDS, right? SHE should be worried about moving too fast with anyone, and give some concern to the emotional welfare of her children. I have 3 kids, and I can't imagine just zooming someone into their lives in such a major way so quickly. Though you are probably a GREAT person, how does she really know this yet, just 'cause you made her toes tickle under the sheets? Be wary of this woman and take ten steps back, but don't give up on finding real love at any age!
Michele
sigh...where do I begin? First off, I'm afraid Throwing In the Towel gave off the wrong signals when she decided to take things to the bedroom on her first date with her U-Haul girlfriend. Not that there's anything wrong with gettin' busy on your first date--if the chemistry is right and it feels good to you, then I'd say go for it, but just be aware that the other person involved may take that to mean something much more serious and signs of immediate commitment. She claims to be old fashioned, but what's so old fashion about being sexual on a first date? My advice would be to make yourself and your intentions clear from the beginning...preferably before you decide to jump into anyone's bed.
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