A Tribute to JoEm Purdy

Last month, this world lost a very special soul. Her name was JoEm Purdy and she was like a second mom to me. I grew up knowing JoEm as one of my mom's dearest friends, someone my mom could always count on, confide in and--equally as important--laugh with. She was a beautiful woman in every sense of the word. Looking back, if I'm being honest, I had a little crush on her when I was growing up. Of course, I can only see that now. Back then, I knew I just really liked having her around.

She and my mom met back in college on sorority row. Since those days in college, they've been connected at the hip. By watching their friendship, my mom silently instilled in me the importance of true friends and how relationships--no matter what they look like--need to be cared for, nurtured and cherished.

After JoEm got sick 3 years ago, I began mourning the thought of losing her. What would my mom do? What about her husband? Her beautiful children? How will they ever go on without the bright light of JoEm in their lives? Imagining that it was my mom who was ill brought me to my knees on more than one occasion in gratitude and sadness.

And then the day came last month. And with her family by her side, JoEm faced her passing with immeasurable dignity and grace.

Today is her memorial (they waited so loved ones from out of town could make it) and I wanted to lift her up to the world and say JoEm, we love you and we miss you.

Summah Time

We've finally hit our stride for summer and isn't it fantastic? The BBQs are burning, the tanktops are out and there just aren't enough hours in the day to do all the fun that is summertime. For this last week, I've been visiting my parental units in Montana. During my time there, I blazed some hiking trails with my dad, enjoyed my mom's chocolate chip cookies, road ATVs, fished, grilled some steaks and saw a ton of little critters (grizzly bears, black bears, deer, skunks and turkeys), including my folks' dog Trapper. I've included a few pics here. One of Trapper where he looks like a vicious dog (he's so not so I thought it was funny), the path where the hammocks await and another of the river they get to enjoy--Flathead River--each and every day.

It's so hard to find time to blog when the sun's out and there are frisbees to throw, parties to host, runs to run and trips to take, so please forgive Dip and I when we vanish from the grid. When we do, just smile and know we're somewhere having fun and most likely you'll hear about it after we return.

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer months so far!

This is what 50 looks like

I’m back from my trip to Massachusetts. The highlight of the trip was surprising my brother by showing up at his 50th birthday party.

I’ve always been close to my brother and now, more than ever he’s an inspiration to me. As I get closer to 50 myself, through him I see the possibilities. The guy has run nine marathons, the last one just a few weeks ago. He’s starting a new job and coaching his daughter’s soccer team.

And he still has his handsome good looks. Every time I’m out with him, gay men try to pick him up. It’s quite amusing because he doesn’t seem to notice. I hope lesbians are still hitting on me when I’m 50. Or even gay men. That would really be good for my ego.

Greetings from New England

While Lipstick is in Montana, Dipstick is in New England, visiting family and celebrating my brother's 50th birthday. I spent a few days in Northampton (Lesbianville, USA) with my twin sister before the rest of my family arrived.  Check out the beautiful Fall colors at Smith College.

My 12 year old niece arrived and I was delighted to find out that she's obsessed with Barack Obama.  We searched everywhere for an Obama t-shirt. Couldn't find one, but we did meet Barack.

We took a stroll around Smith College, which is this awesome all-women's college. My niece thinks she might want to come here.  I think it's a good choice, especially since she wants to be a doctor or a lawyer. I took this shot so she could show it to all her friends when she's a freshman. 

We're getting ready to drive out to Boston to meet up with the rest of my family, all 900 of them, for my brother's birthday party. 

More later. 

Greetings from Montana!

Pattycake and I have been visiting my folks (and Nana) this week in NW Montana and have had a blast. We were staying at their brainchild Flathead River Ranch, an exclusive ranch community they've been developing for the last five years.

It was Nana's 83rd Birthday and we celebrated in style on Tuesday: with lemon cake and Pinot Noir. You'd never know Nana was 83 and I swear, she is still sharper than most people I know. Mom and I were surrounded by three Libras (Dad and Patty's birthday are earlier in October).

We spent this week lounging around in flannel pajamas, going for walks during fleeting snow storms and eating. Did I mention the food? There was plenty of eating. (In fact, as I type, my mom just walked in and said "donuts!")

The photo above is of the four girls, taken at another project my parents are developing on the other side of the valley. It's called Canyon Creek Ranch.

The adorable dog in Pattycake's lap is Trapper, their Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. He is ten months old and totally owns my parents. He goes everywhere (even to the Bulldog Saloon for buffalo wings) and on the raft to float down the Flathead River. (In case you're worried about him, he has his own life jacket--no joke.)

Sadly, we're leaving today. We road-tripped here and we're hitting the pavement again today, this time headed up north to Calgary and then to Banff. It's my first trip to Banff and I'm super excited.

Stay tuned for more.

Belges in Shorts

I was back in New York visiting my family a few weeks ago for my Dad's 80th birthday. My sister and my nephews decided to dress alike in matching shorts. Little niece Zoe just happened to show up in her madras. 

On the far left is my nephew RJ. I call him my twin nephew, because we're so much alike. Next to him is my twin sister Mary. Who do you think I look more like, my twin sister or my twin nephew? (I'm second from the right, in case you don't know what Dipstick looks like.)

Turning 80

I'm off this morning for the East Coast. My Dad is turning 80 and we're having a big party for him. Since there are like 9,000 Belges, I'll be too busy socializing with the family to keep up on the blogging. Lipstick will fill the gap until I return at the end of the month. 

Have a great week everyone. I'm sure I'll have a story or two to tell when I return. 

My Long-Lost Lesbian Cousin

This weekend I took a trip up to Seattle to connect with a cousin I hadn't seen in 30 years. Sandy is a few years older than me and as soon as she graduated high school, she took off for the West Coast. I never really knew her as a kid, although our families lived right around the corner from one another. I'd been hearing about my lesbian cousin for years. Back in the 70s, she changed her last name so that she would be recognizable as a lesbian. This was a person I had to get to know!

We met at the train station and headed over toward Key Arena where we were going to see the Seattle Storm play. I don't know if it's because we're family or because we're both dykes, or maybe a combination of both, but the conversation just flowed. 

I met her sweet partner, Nina and we quickly fell into Belge family humor, a combination of wit, word play, cynicism and vulgarity. We really did fall from the same tree. Being around them was very comfortable. After the game, we sat up late learning about the differences and similarities of our childhoods. 

Over breakfast--wonderful scones and a quiche made by Nina--we picked right up where we left off the night before. The visit ended too quickly, but I somehow feel that this blood family is about to become part of my chosen family. 

What it's All About

For the last week, you've been hearing all about our book tour in the Bay Area. We've talked about each reading and event and shared photos of the many wonderful people we've met. What you haven't had too much of--save Dipstick's Seen and Heard in Santa Cruz--is what's happening behind-the-scenes.

When we were in Santa Cruz, we stayed with my brother (aka The Swami in our book) and his family: his wife Lanie and their son/my godson Calvin. If you've been reading our blog for awhile, you know who Calvin the Clairvoyant is because he is one of my most PRIZED possessions. While the time we spent together was short--just three days--Calvin and I bonded in a way we haven't before, in a way that nearly brought me to my knees when we had to say goodbye.

You see, Calvin isn't like other kids. He is the oldest soul I've ever seen trapped in a three-year-old's body. While we were visiting, Calvin got a haircut, he and I opened a "custom monster truck shop," we went for a hike, hung out in downtown Santa Cruz, went to the toy shop, had Thai food, had Hawaiian food, drank wine (well, he had Martinelli's), took baths (that was him) and we laughed A LOT. Here are some shots of our time together...

Santa Cruz Lezbots Rock

Thanks Santa Cruz for showing us the love last night by coming out to our reading at Bookshop Santa Cruz in California. What a great turnout (about 30 peeps) and the Q & A was the longest one we've had with some really great questions (you anarchists, you).

A special shout out to George with the Bookshop and her partner of 21 years (we told them they should write the next relationship guide!) Ellen. Also, Diana and her sexy, sassy bitches (all pictured with our book) for coming out even though our reading interfered with the L Word (note to self: BAD PLANNING on our part). Despite the run-in with Shane, Bette and Ilene Chaiken, the crowd was great.

Two very special guests were in the audience: My brother--aka The Swami in the book--and his wife, Lanie. We're staying with them while we're here in Santa Cruz and I think the reading was very eye-opening for my brother. While he laughed a lot (we are have the same sense of humor and even though we were born 3.5 years apart, we are convinced we are twins), he probably learned more about his little sister than he ever wanted to know. We read the chapter: Dip Me in Honey and Throw Me to the Lesbians.

That said, he is always such a great sport and Lanie, too, is such an ally. In their wedding years ago, there were more lesbians standing up on her side as bridesmaids than breeders!

Straight allies are the best!

I love you, B + L!

PS: We went to this great place in downtown Santa Cruz after for dinner and wine. Check it out: Soif

A Salute to Two of My Favorite People

So, today is a big day: it's my mom and dad's 39th wedding anniversary. Unlike a lot of couples I know (Lipstick's always observing), my parents are still very much in love, and are often like teenagers with each other (in all the good ways). They've been dating since high school (she robbed the cradle) and they're still giddy, even after all these years....

When Dad went on a fly fishing trip with his buddies earlier this year, all he could think about, he said, as he waded the Chilean rivers, was how much he missed Mom and how he wasn't a guys guy, but instead, her guy. Some men might call him a pussy for saying this (and surely he didn't mention it over dinner that night to those he was traveling with), but I call him golden. (My sister-in-law is lucky, as my brother is a chip off the old block.) Mom, who is the epitome of the perfect mother, is one of the most generous, supportive and patient people I know and has allowed my dad to chase his dreams with reckless abandon. His dreams have become hers and vice versa. They are truly a team, united forever, on their journey as one.

Here are some secrets to their success:

Undying Support
They back each other 100% no matter what. They are very loyal and encouraging with each other (even when my dad had a perm -- see photo to right-- she still stood by his side...apparently everyone was doing it???).

Respect
I talk a lot about respect in our L & D book and learned all there is to know about it and its importance from watching my parents. They not only respect each other and boundaries associated with a committed, monogamous relationship, but they also respect themselves. Very important. I've said it before, but once you lose respect for someone, it's almost always a nail in the coffin. Unlike trust, which can be reacquired with some vigilant work, loss of respect is tough to reverse. They know it and they guard it.

Taking Care
They work hard (harder than on anything else) to take care of each other and their family every single day. It's is always their first priority and the older they get, this becomes even stronger and more instilled. We are a tribe and we all must remember to take good care of those we love. (Photo from when yours truly was presented as a debutante.)

Bending with a Smile
They still laugh; they still have fun; they still push each other each day. Just the other morning I called and they were getting ready to go spend the day together doing "whatever your mom wants" Dad said. I knew this would include shopping (which he hates and she loves) and that he'd do it with a smile. Just like Mom smiled when they floated down the river the week before even though she'd have rather been home reading a good book (maybe ours!) by the fire. They meet in the middle and bend when the wind blows.

Dad still brings Mom flowers/gifts just because and Mom still whips up their signature "first date" fudge when the romantic mood strikes her and I just love that. I've often pondered how having parents like mine (who are so in love and so supportive of me and my life) have affected me as an individual and I've come to one conclusion: It's made all the difference in the world.

So, I salute them today and wish them a happy anniversary.

I love you.

The Thanksgiving Rack

Well, my luggage finally did catch up to me at my parents and I was able to disperse the copies of Lipstick & Dipstick’s Essential Guide to Lesbian Relationships that I had brought for my family. I handed them out and told my family that it was adult content and my nieces and nephews weren’t allowed to read it until they turned 18.

They all opened a book and started reading. It got very quiet around the dessert table. My dad was the one to break the silence. “What’s a rack?” he asked. Uh, oh. If dad doesn’t know what a rack is, he’s going to have a hard time with cunnilingus crack, gold star and polyamory. Maybe I should have said no one over 65 was allowed to read it either. I can’t imagine the emails I’m going to get from him!

_{© Photo by Arlen Roche}

Bra shopping with my dad

The long eight hour flight from Portland to Syracuse turned even longer when fog wreaked havoc on the Chicago airport and all flights were delayed. I finally got on my connecting flight, four hours later than scheduled. When the pilot came on and announced we couldn’t take off because the toilet was clogged, there was nothing all of us trapped passengers could do but laugh.

So, I was not all together surprised, when I finally met my Mom at baggage claim at 11:30 pm-- six hours later than expected --and we discovered my bag was missing.

The next afternoon, dressed in a t-shirt borrowed from my brother, socks from my mom and my underwear turned inside out, I called the airline, only to find out they still hadn’t located my bag.

“We’d better go shopping,” my dad declared. For political reasons, my dad refuses to step foot into the mall. So that left us with one option for bras and underwear: Target.

As my dad and I made our way to the ladies lingerie department, I’m not sure which one of us felt more out of place.

“Here’s some,” he said, pointing to the pink packages of bikinis, thongs and low rise panties the lined the wall. “What size are you?” he wanted to know, flipping through the sale three-packs of briefs. "What's wrong with these?" Have you ever tried to explain to your dad that briefs are too high and bikinis are too low? And that I really just wanted to head to the men's department and buy some boxers. Me neither, until today.

I just had no idea what to buy at the Target women’s aisle. Somehow I couldn't figure out a way to tell my Dad I preferred men's underwear. Finally I saw a package called “boy cut.” I grabbed my size and threw them into the basket.

It was on to bras. “What kind of boob holder do you want?” he asked. My Dad was starting to feel more comfortable. I stared at the rows of sports bras and realized I had no idea what size or cup I am. I had to call my girlfriend to ask. Dad didn’t seem phased by that. In fact it seemed to make perfect sense to him. You gotta love him. Plus, he paid.

Bowling with the Belges

Sorry I haven't had much time to blog. I'm with my family. But I'm collecting lots of good stories for the future. in the meantime, my twin sister and I took all my nieces and nephews bowling today. Here we are. See if you can tell which one is Dipstick. At one point I looked up at the scoreboard and we had the exact same score. Weird twin shit. But in the end, I did end up beating her by one point.

Celebrate Me Home

Hi everyone

I've been on vacation and just got back. My partner and I were in Northwestern Montana, outside a little town called Whitefish. My parents are developing property up there and we stayed at the "Ranch". While we were there, we fly fished on the shore and in little boats, road ATC's, read books by the fire, drank wine and laughed a lot. Here are some photos. We met my brother and his family. (BTW, my brother and I could be twins, but we're not.) Look how big our nephew Calvin is getting! He is talking up a storm and the most thoughtful and gentle little boy (just like his parents). His favorite new thing is Lightening McQueen? Some animated car? Anyway, enjoy the photos.

Montana is so beautiful!

Three Sisters on the Road

Ah, family. You love ‘em one minute and the next you’re ready to leave them by the side of the road and drive off. At least that’s what happened to me. My two sisters came to visit and to celebrate, we went to Three Sisters, Oregon. For those of you not from the Northwest, it’s part of the Cascade Mountain Range.

We had a few vague ideas of what we wanted to do in Sisters, but the big one was the “scenic drive loop.” My sister Mary had it all mapped out, with especially promising scenics highlighted and circled. Hike at Proxy Falls, lunch at Suttle Lake, and a sunset stop at the Three Sisters viewpoint.

Sandwiches and trail mix packed, we stopped at the ranger station on the way out of town to see if there was a hiking map we hadn’t yet picked up. That’s when we found out part of the road was closed. No scenic loop drive! We were devastated. I wanted to pack it all up and head right home, but Mary, glass half-full kind of girl that she is, insisted we could drive as far as the road closed sign and turn around and come back the same way.

I agreed, but ate my sandwich early to suppress my feelings of disappointment. Things were going along great. Beautiful views, great music on the stereo and wide open roads. We hiked at the falls, met a cute couple at Suttle Lake and even snuck into the hot springs resort and put or feet in the warm, healing waters. But then the road ended. The only thing that was missing from our day was that perfect viewpoint of the Three Sisters Mountains, where we could pose for the photo to send our parents.

Dejected, we headed back the same way we came and ate mediocre burgers at Bronco Billy’s. (They promised the best in Oregon, but obviously the voters have never eaten at Higgin’s bar in Portland.) Over dinner, we pulled the maps out, trying to determine the best place to for our photo. As Mary and I poured over the topographical map and played with her GPS system, Laura announced that she had found it. The road to the lookout point.

Early the next morning we headed out, carefully following the directions Laura dictated from the back seat. Out Route 20, left at the post office and keep driving. And driving and driving. As we first headed down the road, the mountains came into view. We felt assured a pull-off would appear and we’d hop out, snap our photo and continue on our merry way.


But 20 miles down the road, as we headed deeper and deeper into the forest, with no turn-out in sight and the mountains obscured by the thickening woods, I finally asked Laura to let me see the map.

The map she handed me wasn’t a real map at all. It was one of those free things you pick up in the grocery store of tourist towns, with ads all along the border and a few restaurants and art galleries drawn in. “Where’s the lookout?” I asked her. She pointed to a line on the map. A line that meandered toward a cartoonish drawing of the mountains and just ended. “Where’s the lookout?” I repeated, not seeing it on the “map.” “I just assumed if we went to the end of this road, there’d be a good viewpoint,” she said. Obviously my sister has little experience on forest service mountain roads and map reading. Mary and I just groaned, I turned the car around as Mary tried to explain to my older sister that a line ending on a free tourist map doesn’t necessarily mean the road ends and even if it does, doesn’t mean the mountains will appear unobstructed in front of us like they appear on the “map.”

The day wasn’t a total disaster, though. As we headed east toward Bend, back 20 miles to where we started and just a few miles down the road, we saw it. A beautiful view of the Three Sisters Mountains. I pulled to the shoulder of the road and we snapped this picture. And I didn’t even leave my sister by the side of the road.

Where Lipstick Gets Her Chops

Nana and Mom were in town last week and we did an infamous photo shoot with our star photographer, Maggie Parker, who shoots all of our photos for Curve. Now do you see where Lipstick gets it?

Double Dipstick = Double the Trouble

Well, it's been a day I've waited for...this morning, I finally met Dipstick's identical twin. Did you guys know there was another Dipstick out there? Mary, who is also a dyke (we MUST be born gay), was in town with her girl Meg and the other sister Laura. Mary kicked ass and reminded me so much of Dip. They look a lot alike, yes, but it's what under the skin--their mannerisms, they way they say things, even the way they hold their head--that really psyched me out. I only got to have breakfast with these two, peach cobbler (thanks Meg), but I can only imagine that they're quite the crazy pair when they really get going. Twins are so crazy. I wish I had a twin.

Which reminds me, have you ever been seen someone who looks just like you? It's a trip. I was in California eating lunch at an In & Out Burger about ten years ago when my twin sat down a few tables away. We were like ten feet apart and I couldn't stop staring. I don't think I ate another bite either. She didn't notice me, but it was crazy and it totally tripped me out. I wish I'd snapped a picture.