We will be receiving the first shipment of our book today! Yahooo! They won't be in stores yet for another couple weeks, but very soon, you'll have your very own copy of our relationship guide if you... PRE-ORDER NOW!
In honor, I thought I'd post another teaser:
The Prologue
Beloved readers,
Welcome to our essential guide to lesbian relationships. It feels a bit odd to
be writing you a letter: usually, you’re the one holding the pen, pouring out
details about the trouble you’re having with your girlfriend, or pining
about the beautiful woman you see on your way to work whom you’re dying
to talk to. We’re here to say: We can help! You can have her, and you
can keep her, if you heed the advice in this book.
With over thirty years of relationship experience, we come to you like
an open book. Imagine that? Two open books within an open book. In the
following pages, we promise to be honest with you, we promise to dish out
our tough love strategies, while also being playful and tender. Wait, did we
just say we’d be tender? OK, there’s a lot more crass honesty than tenderness,
but we do our best to soften the blows. And that’s what you’re hungry
for anyway or you wouldn’t have picked up this sassy lesbian tome.
As usual, we offer no apologies for any offense taken about our positions
because we simply speak our truth. Take it or leave it, or shove it up
your ass if you want. We don’t care what you do with the book once you’re
done pilfering the pages, but maybe you’ll pass it on to your friend who
just can’t get herself together.
If you don’t know who we are, for shame: We’re advice columnists in
Curve magazine (the number one best-selling lesbian magazine in the nation)
by day, and prolific writers by night, trying to make it in this godforsaken
literary world. One of us is the butch, the other’s the femme. You
connect the dots.
Like our column in Curve, we’re not responsible for what you do with
our guidance. If, for example, you take Dipstick’s advice about seeking
revenge on your girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend, don’t call us to bail you out
of jail, or come after us next. Likewise, if, by chance, the Water Dancer
vibrator Lipstick suggests in the sex toy section gives you a little more
than a tickle in the hot tub—like deep frying your titties—please don’t sue us.
If you want your relationships to succeed, want to engage in healthy,
fruitful communication, and want to have lots of sex, then kick off
your shoes (your boots or your heels), relax, and listen up. You’ve
come to the
right place.
Yours truly,
Lipstick & Dipstick
PS: This book shouldn’t be used as a flotation device, a hot pad at the lesbian
potluck, or a doorstop. Read it, love it, and regurgitate it like it’s the
gospel. And be sure to brush up on your lesbian lingo in Lipstick & Dipstick’s
Gay Girl’s Glossary at the end.
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