Ding dong the witch is dead. Oh wait, I meant ding dong Ellen and Portia are married! In an intimate ceremony last night, attended by 19 lucky souls, the two exchanged handwritten vows in their home. I hope they share the pictures with the rest of the world. It will surely get massive mainstream coverage and, considering how beloved Ellen is by even the straightest of straights, it could only do our community good.
Here are Ellen's vows (as Lipstick’s would imagine them):
Portia, my beautiful sex goddess
Oh, how I love your tits
And your super funny bits
on that TV show Ally McDancing Baby
and then on that other show whose name is escaping me
I want to spend my life with you
Cooking and picking up our dogs do do
Having potlucks with Melissa and Tammy
And dressing up in diamonds for the Emmys
Will you be my ageless, blushing bride
And get on my Harley for a ride
So we can enjoy being the queen lesbians together
And always be two birds of a feather
Eating hummus and listening to folk tunes
As we lay in bed in a perfect spoon
For hours and hours and hours
And hours and hours and hours
Scratching each other’s backs and toes
While being the perfect pair of homos
Who all the lezbots adore and only the best
Will you join me in making the perfect lezz-nest?
Rumor has it, she said yes! CONGRATS ELLEN AND PORTIA!
* Photo is not from wedding, but courtesy of Reuters.