QUESTION :: Been There, Done That

This question landed in my inbox today:


Dear Lipstick:

I saw you on Secret Lives of Women on WE TV, the lipstick lesbian show. I just wanted to comment that I was a lipstick lesbian for many years and am ashamed to say home many women I went through to find the right one. Well, I never found one that did not play games and cheat on me.

I have nothing but bad feelings towards the gay thing and will never go back to it. I just think that it's fake to put on a show that being gay is great when I lived these games for over 20 years. I am glad to say I am living a normal life now without all those ridiculous games and cheating. I don't mean to put you down in anyway, but I think it's wrong to advertise to the public that being homosexual is a commitment--this lifestyle will never support commitment.

Sorry speaking from cold hard facts that I can speak to because I lived it for too many years and feel it was a waste of my young years.

Been There, Done That


Dear Been There, Done That:

Thanks for dropping us a note. This email made me sad for you--it must be hard to be harboring all that negativity. There is no show here; my experience as a gay woman is a far-cry from the 20 years you spent "being a lipstick lesbian", which may have been a show for you. (Were you really able to just turn your homosexuality off? If so, that's a first.)

My identity as a lipstick lesbian is very organic, in the same way being a woman is. I've been happily married for many years and while the road is not always easy (we are human after all), we are firmly committed to one another and our relationship. The word "commitment" is very real in our life together.

I've had lesbian drama in past relationships, sure, but it was nothing different than the juvenile drama my high school boyfriend and I stirred up way back when, nor any different than fraternity guys cheating on me in college.

And I know hundreds of other happily partnered lesbians who have beautiful, loving relationships, too.

Perhaps the issue for you back then wasn't so much about the lesbian community, but the lesbians you surrounded yourself with and the women you dated. Quality people are quality people. Integrity is integrity, even if it's wrapped in rainbow flag.

We wish you peace,
Lipstick & Dipstick