Wednesday, July 25, 2007

QUESTION :: Cuntfused High School Girl

Dear Lipstick & Dipstick: There's this straight girl who I've known for two and a half years and yesterday was her last day of high school (I still have two more years). She's known since the day we met that I liked girls and she's known for two years that I've liked her. In the time we became very close and are best friends. The last few weeks we've become really close. We spend almost every weekend on my couch watching movies and one night she told me she was cold so I got to cuddle with her for the night (nothing else happened). Logically I assumed I would be sleeping on a couch when I went to visit her at her apartment. She was surprised when I told her this because she assumed we would be sharing a bed. She has a boyfriend and claims to be straight but, some of her activities points to bi. She made out with a few of our female friends but refuses to do anything with me. Yet, she'll make little comments about how she fears she will never be as close to a guy as she is with me. Am I just hopeful or is she trying to get to known me in a more intimate way? I don't know what to do anymore and I need help. Is there any advice you can give me?

Dipstick: Yes, we have advice. Your friend likes you, but most likely is as confused as you. She is probably dealing with coming out, which is a process that takes time. She has a boyfriend, yet she has strong feelings for you. This is very common with people who are trying to figure it out. Your best bet is to try and be as open and honest with her as you can. But don't make out with her. She has a boyfriend and that's cheating. We don't think cheating is ever a good idea. Why don't you open up to her and ask her if she's ever questioned her sexuality. See where this conversation goes. But don't be surprised if she doesn't want to talk about it. Remember, coming out involves a lot of internal processing before being able to talk about it. Just let her know you're there for her if she wants to talk about these kinds of things. Someday you may want to tell her of your feelings for her, but right now is not the best time. Give her some time to figure out her feelings first.

Lipstick Katherine, is that you? You could be my very first girlfriend writing in, it’s so CAH-RAZY. Cuntfused, you wrote to the right person, for I’ve been in your little high school shoes, except, lucky for you, I was your “straight” friend. The one giving mixed signals.

What she’s going through is a major internal freak out. She has intense feelings for you which confuse her, but she can’t help herself when you’re around—hence you get to sleep in her bed and fall asleep in her arms. She’s either bisexual or gay. But here’s the tricky part—and the reason you must solder a cage around your heart—she might never figure that out. Odds are, however, that she will since she’s already exploring that part of herself (kissing girls and feeling closer to you than anyone else in the world) and especially at such a young age. But there’s a chance, and we have seen it time and again, that she’ll slide into a place of denial, shame will cloud her goggles and she’ll just stay on the straight path because it’s safe.

Like the Dip said, be patient and be there for her, but don’t smooch until she’s single. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the cuddling. There is nothing like the exhilaration of spooning with someone with whom you’re smitten. It gives me butterflies just thinking about it. Save the kissing for after she works through her shit and breaks up with her BF, which, I’d hope and expect, to be imminent.

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