Wednesday, July 11, 2007

QUESTION :: Scared & Sane

Dear Lipstick & Dipstick:
I just recently left an emotionally abusive woman who destroyed my personal and professional life. We worked together and she used her influence to keep me from promoting within the company. The situation got so bad, I finally asked for a transfer. Despite moving across the country, she continued to call and come to town whenever possible. When I recently refused to see her, she and her friends started a rumor about me in the community. I thought I was safe when she married her girlfriend on my b-day (not a coincidence) and left the country, but she continued to call. I lied and told her I was dating someone else, someone she knew and was afraid of. So far this has to worked, as I haven’t heard from her in almost a year. Here’s the real dilemma. Next week, I have to go back to my old office for an important meeting and I’m terrified she’s going to find out and harass me once again. I just got my sanity back. Do you have any suggestions for dialing down the drama, keeping me safe, and interacting with my freaky ex? Scared & Sane

Lipstick: I have two words for you: restraining order. Is it too late to apply for one? This crackpot is a piece of work! First and foremost, do not, under any circumstance, find yourself alone with this woman. How could she unload her toxic bullshit with another co-worker in the room? If you’re standing near the boss, she’ll back her dump truck out of the area and save it for another day, a day when you’re a thousand miles away. Also, before you travel, talk to the HR manager and give them a heads up. If they know Lulu and have half a clue, they won’t be surprised that she’s trying to destroy you. Most lunatics are transparent psychopaths in other areas of life, too. Beyond being a safe haven for you, your company is under legal obligation to protect you when the schizoid comes unhinged again. If they don’t help out, I’ve got two more words for you: fat lawsuit. Which lead me to two more: retire early.

Dipstick: Lipstick, if only… The truth is most batterers are NOT psycho to the rest of the world. They are conniving and manipulative and show their best face to the world. That’s how they charm the pants off unsuspecting victims like S&S. Here’s what you need to do sister: You’ve got to go double-crazy on her. Hopefully stalker gal won’t be there when you head back to the office, but if she is, be prepared! Sign up for the women’s self defense class at your local community center. Rent some Bruce Lee DVDs and watch them on the plane trip back. Practice in the airplane aisle if you need to. Once you explain yourself to the stewardess, she’ll understand. Walk tall into the building and don’t let her intimidate you. Carry some mace in your purse for extra confidence. If Looney looks your way, let out a long, hideous laugh. Roll your eyes around like you’re the crazy one. Chances are she won’t come near you. But if she does, jump into a kung fu stance and warn her if she comes near you you’ll rip her neck open. Go ballistic—it works every time.

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