QUESTION :: Slippery & Single

Dear Lipstick & Dipstick
Recently, I hooked up with this woman on a one night stand. She was hot and smooth and did all the right things until we made it to the bedroom. Then, she was like a child in her first sandbox, unsure of the right thing to do. She not only had the ickiest and cheapest toys, she didn’t even have any lube. Is it proper hook-up etiquette to bring your own toys and lube on a first date? Slippery & Single


Dipstick: Absolutely! Every lezzie girl scout knows the first rule of the road is, “Be Prepared!” Single gals should always carry a “just in case” kit whenever there’s the chance of scoring—which really is ANYTIME. Not only is it not tacky to bring your own toys, it’s good etiquette. And a few more things, not everyone is as skilled in the bedroom as The L Word’s Shane. Do the entire lesbian community a favor and teach this puppy a few new tricks. Her future partners will thank you. Finally, Dipstick says it’s much better to walk than drive an ‘88 Yugo with no motor oil. If the toys are inadequate, go au naturel.

Lipstick: Beyond bringing your own accoutrement, crack the whip, sweetie, and call this hottie in from recess. Lure her out the sandbox (L note: there’s nothing like a sandy crotch to kill the mood) and teach her a few lessons. Lesson #1: invest in your toys, ones that are not only versatile, but also durable and delicious. Hold up her hollow, antiquated weenie next to your malleable, pulsating jewel. The visual should do it, but if you don’t see the light bulb, show her the benefits of your pearly rabbit. Then, move to Lesson #2: get out your lube and squirt a dollop in the palm of her hand. In fact, just empty the bottle and wrestle her to the ground. Once her boobs are sliding against yours, she’ll fully realize the benefits of the girly grease and keep it within arms reach next time!