Friday, November 30, 2007

The Thanksgiving Rack

Well, my luggage finally did catch up to me at my parents and I was able to disperse the copies of Lipstick & Dipstick’s Essential Guide to Lesbian Relationships that I had brought for my family. I handed them out and told my family that it was adult content and my nieces and nephews weren’t allowed to read it until they turned 18.

They all opened a book and started reading. It got very quiet around the dessert table. My dad was the one to break the silence. “What’s a rack?” he asked. Uh, oh. If dad doesn’t know what a rack is, he’s going to have a hard time with cunnilingus crack, gold star and polyamory. Maybe I should have said no one over 65 was allowed to read it either. I can’t imagine the emails I’m going to get from him!

© Photo by Arlen Roche

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Lesbian Speed Dating

Dipstick and I had fun chatting with Denise and Donna last night on the Lesbian Lounge. They're a real hoot! You can listen to the podcast for free on iTunes. Go the Music Store and search podcasts for Lesbian Lounge. Click on the Girl Radio box on top of screen and it will open up a treasure chest of Lesbian Lounge podcasts. Ours (Nov. 28) isn't posted yet, but will be tomorrow (Friday). We call in about 15 minutes into the show.

In the last year, Denise and Donna have interviewed a fabulous lezzies, including Angela Robinson (Director L Word + DEBS), Stacy Codikow (founder of POWER UP), Sharon Gless (Queer as Folk), and actors from Curl Girls, Bravo's Work Out, Itty Bitty Titty Committee and Exes and Ohs. And you can listen to all of these for FREE! Who says nothing in life is free?

Before I go off into the cold rain today, I had to post this hilarious skit about lesbian speed dating. It is classic!

Are lesbians really that easy to peg? Unfortunately (or fortunately!), we are.


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Lipstick & Dipstick on the Lesbian Lounge Tonight!

I am so excited. Tonight Lipstick & I get to be guests on my favorite radio program: The Lesbian Lounge. We'll be dishing it with hilarious hosts Denise and Donna, talking about our new book, lesbian relationship advice and sex and dating tips.

One of the great things about The Lesbian Lounge is that it's internet radio, so therefore, we are not regulated by the FCC. We can say pussy, cunnilingus and any other dirty word that comes to mind. And the other great thing is you can tune in anywhere in the world. Oh yeah, and you can also join in the chat room on Gay Internet Radio Live and chat with other Lesbian Lounge listeners and hosts Denise and Donna. How cool is that?

So, join us tonight at 6pm PST or 9pm EST on My Lesbian Radio or Gay Internet Radio Live. If you miss the show, you can also download the podcast from itunes for free.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Bra shopping with my dad

The long eight hour flight from Portland to Syracuse turned even longer when fog wreaked havoc on the Chicago airport and all flights were delayed. I finally got on my connecting flight, four hours later than scheduled. When the pilot came on and announced we couldn’t take off because the toilet was clogged, there was nothing all of us trapped passengers could do but laugh.

So, I was not all together surprised, when I finally met my Mom at baggage claim at 11:30 pm-- six hours later than expected --and we discovered my bag was missing.

The next afternoon, dressed in a t-shirt borrowed from my brother, socks from my mom and my underwear turned inside out, I called the airline, only to find out they still hadn’t located my bag.

“We’d better go shopping,” my dad declared. For political reasons, my dad refuses to step foot into the mall. So that left us with one option for bras and underwear: Target.

As my dad and I made our way to the ladies lingerie department, I’m not sure which one of us felt more out of place.

“Here’s some,” he said, pointing to the pink packages of bikinis, thongs and low rise panties the lined the wall. “What size are you?” he wanted to know, flipping through the sale three-packs of briefs. "What's wrong with these?" Have you ever tried to explain to your dad that briefs are too high and bikinis are too low? And that I really just wanted to head to the men's department and buy some boxers. Me neither, until today.

I just had no idea what to buy at the Target women’s aisle. Somehow I couldn't figure out a way to tell my Dad I preferred men's underwear. Finally I saw a package called “boy cut.” I grabbed my size and threw them into the basket.

It was on to bras. “What kind of boob holder do you want?” he asked. My Dad was starting to feel more comfortable. I stared at the rows of sports bras and realized I had no idea what size or cup I am. I had to call my girlfriend to ask. Dad didn’t seem phased by that. In fact it seemed to make perfect sense to him. You gotta love him. Plus, he paid.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

The Nectar of the Gods

The day after Thanksgiving, we hit the Oregon road in a limo in search of sweet nectar from the vine. (Quite a juxtaposition from earlier in the week when we delivered food to low-income families.) We didn't have to drive far from Portland to find our first goldmine: Owen Roe. They had some great Pinots and delicious cheeses, all housed in a charming barn decked out with holiday greens. Our next stop was at Sineann (pronounced Shah-nayne), where they also featured Medici wines.

Once all 13 of us piled back into the limo, we headed out into the hills of the Willamette Valley in search of our next stop. The roads, many of them dirt, were glowing with the setting sun, casting a magnificent amber hue across the endless rows of grapes. Stop #3 was our favorite: Bergström. Damn they make some great wine! They also had a really nice spread of herb breads and cheeses. The last tasting room we hit was Argyle. If you drink reds or brut, you've probably seen their labels at your local market. They're known for good, solid everyday wine.

Finally, it was time for dinner and we were all starving as we pulled into this culinary gem: The Joel Palmer House. Texas and I had dined here before, but it was better than ever. This may well have been the highlight of the day; the 13 of us were gathered around one huge table ready for something (believe it or not) other than wine. Located in Dayton, Oregon, the Joel Palmer house has been written up numerous times in the New York Times (and everywhere else important) for their unique dishes with mushrooms, all picked in the wild. Fantastic.

For me, yesterday was one of those days that could've gone on forever. Like a small handful of other times of late, I got caught up in that euphoric space, surrounded by friends and laughter, when all I wanted to do is somehow stop time, or bottle up the energy for a day when the sun's not out, when there aren't any friends around and there isn't a bottle of Pinot Noir within arm's reach.

Good times.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Bowling with the Belges

Sorry I haven't had much time to blog. I'm with my family. But I'm collecting lots of good stories for the future. in the meantime, my twin sister and I took all my nieces and nephews bowling today. Here we are. See if you can tell which one is Dipstick. At one point I looked up at the scoreboard and we had the exact same score. Weird twin shit. But in the end, I did end up beating her by one point.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

What I'm Thankful For Today

For Thanksgiving this year, I'm not just thankful to have a roof over my head or food on the table. To me, it's more than the loving friends I'm surrounded by or the life I've built with Texas*. For this moment, it's even bigger than the gratitude I feel for how close I am with my family. Right now, I'm thankful for LESBIAN TURKISH OIL WRESTLING.

Happy Thanksgiving!


* Texas is Lipstick's wife.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Yams, Gravy and Punkin Pie

John D. Rockefeller once said: "Think of giving not as a duty but as a privilege." And I couldn't agree more.

On Monday, a group of friends and I volunteered our time to pack boxes of food for Thanksgiving. In this dusty, nondescript room, we tossed cans of yams, bags of potatoes and pumpkin pies at one another until we'd filled all the boxes. Then, me and the gaggles of girls (all dykes) loaded up our cars and headed out into the world. We had a list of places we'd go, families that were expecting us with open arms to provide them with the essential ingredients for their Thanksgiving feast, one they wouldn't have had without help.

Most of the low-income people we visited with were very friendly and invited us inside their apartments. One Romanian family gave us apples as a token of thanks; we tried to refuse the fruit, but they insisted, almost as if it would have been insulting to walk away empty-handed. So, we graciously accepted and then split up the fruit amongst the rest of the boxes. One man was eagerly waiting for us on his balcony, even though it was cold and rainy out. The smile on his face as we approached was priceless. In another apartment, it seemed that there were six people living there. Maybe there were. Or maybe there were more.

As I close this morning and bid you a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow, I leave you with one more quote and encourage you, too, to give back this holiday season. "I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver." Maya Angelou knew the secret of giving back and now, so do I. Sure, you do it for others so they can taste a little bit of the good life, but you also do it for yourself. Why you ask? Because nothing--I mean nothing--fills you up, and reminds you of the adbundance in your life, like helping someone in need.

Give it a go!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Look Out World :: Here We Come!

"Get out the map, get out the map
And lay your finger anywhere down.
We'll leave the figuring to those we pass
On the way out of town..."

Get ready world, because Lipstick & Dipstick are coming to a town near you. That's right, Lipstick and I met last week to plan our upcoming book tour. Nothing is set in stone yet, but it's looking like we'll be in Whistler for Winter Pride in February, plus a few Portland area appearances.

March we'll hit Seattle and San Francisco.

April we'll head to the sunny Southwest and visit Palm Springs, Vegas, Phoenix, San Diego, LA and Tucson, AZ.

Later on in April and early May, we'll cross New York State and Massachusetts, visiting friends and family in Buffalo, Syracuse, Albany, NYC, Boston and Northampton.

Not to miss the heat and humidity, we'll tour the mid-west in July, hitting places like Chicago, Madison, Minneapolis and Milwaukee, WI.

Of course, we'll also make gay pride appearances all throughout June. As things firm up, we'll post them here and send out email reminders.

In the meantime, all you Eugene, OR ladies, be sure to come and see us at the Hot Flash Dance. Eugene Hot Flash is held at the Indigo District on December 8th from 5-9pm. We'll be signing our books and will read an excerpt. Plus, I'm sure we'll have a few open slots on our dance cards. Let's get this party started!!

Friday, November 16, 2007

Thanks for the love

We were just informed that you, our beloved readers, have voted us the #1 column in Curve magazine again! (This according to a web poll.) Merci! Merci!

As always, we appreciate each and every one of you and it fills our hearts to know you enjoy our advice...even though I'm usually the one who's right.

Happy Weekend.

Peace Out,

PS: Don't forget to buy our book if you haven't already!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Somebody Get Me a Bag of Ice

Because I just fell out of my chair and hit my head when I heard Anne Murray's new duet with KD Lang. Not to mention her singing Danny's Song with Martina McBride. And a song with Jann Arden. And Emmylou Harris. And Carole King. And Nelly Furtado. And Olivia Newton-John. And the Indigo Girls. Seriously, someone pinch me. I feel like I'm in lezbo heaven.

If you're an Anne Murray fan (and, I must admit, I am an even bigger fan of hers than Barry's--they are my top two) you probably already knew she was working on a duets album. The bad news is it doesn't come out until January. The good news is you can hear all of these dyke-liciuos songs (in their entirety) on her website. Consider this an early Christmas present.

Anne Murray or die,

PS: When is she going to come out of the closet?

UPDATE (11/17): Texas just informed me that--duh--you can buy the cd through her website, where it says "CD Available, Buy it Now". I guess you just can't buy it anywhere else until Jan.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Lipstick & Dipstick's Essential Guide: In Stores Now!

Our book is now in stores. It's one thing to get a box of books at your house, to hold it in your hands and to flip through the pages. It's exciting, for sure. But seeing it on the shelves of a bookstore is quite another thrill.

I stopped in at Powell's Books yesterday just to visit our book on the shelf. There it was, on an end cap, propped up, sandwiched between two other amazing lesbian books.

Now we know that our book is out there, ready for anyone pick up, flip through and hopefully buy. Our child is all grown up and out there in the world, trying to hold its own next to lesbian classics Drag King Dreams and Aimee and Jaguar.

If you buy our book at a store, drop us a line and let us know where you bought it.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Lesbian Beach Weekends Through the Years

I just returned from a weekend at the beach with a group of friends. We had a great time, but it really got me thinking about how beach trips with my lesbian friends have changed over the years.

Back in college a group of us took a trip to the beach for Spring Break. Days were spend playing football on the beach, followed by a nights of tequila shots followed by weeks of drama because someone inevitably slept with someone else’s girlfriend.

After college I fell in with a group of Goddess-loving, Birkenstock-wearing hippie dykes. Beach trips with that clan often involved a bonfire with the full moon as a backdrop, some kind of hand-holding circle and of course, a sing-alongs to a folk guitar.

In my later 20s and early 30s, I started hanging back out with athletic types, but instead of football games on the beach, we would go for long mountain bike rides, strenuous hikes and body surf until we were spitting out salt water. At night we’d soak in the hot tub, drink light beer and strategize about putting a team together for AIDS cycle.

Now that we’re in our late 30s and early 40s, beach trips are bit mellower. We might talk about waking for an early morning run, but soon it’s noon and no one has left the coffee pot. We hike -- into town for more bottles of wine and provisions for the gourmet meals we spend hours preparing. And instead of bouncing quarters into glasses, we sit around a large table playing board games, trying to keep our laughter down so as not to wake the toddler.

Through all these eras and phases, the key ingredient was a good group of friends to relax and have fun with. Isn’t that what life is all about?

Monday, November 12, 2007

Ashleigh Flynn Performing Tuesday

If you're in Portland, Oregon this week you're in luck. Ashleigh Flynn will be performing at Mississippi Studios on Tuesday at 8pm with Antje Duvekot. Tickets are $10-12. If you haven't seen a performance in this venue, you are in for a treat. It's very intimate and has great acoustics. And if you haven't seen Ashleigh perform you're in double luck. She's fantastic! Check it out. Details below:

Tuesday, 11/13: 8pm - $10/$12

Ashleigh Flynn
Ashleigh Flynn hails from Kentucky where she grew up foot stomping along the Ohio River as the steamboats and barges made their way to the muddy Mississippi . A songwriter of exceptional emotional depth and intelligence, Flynn is also an electrifying performer blessed with unbridled charisma and the voice of a fallen angel.

Flynn performed at the 2004 Falcon Ridge Folk Festival as a chosen emerging artist, and has performed at Bumbershoot, NxNW, NW Music Fest, Nashville New Music Festival, NEMO, Oregon Country Fair, GoGirls SxSW Showcase, Willamette Valley Folk Festival, Oregon Zoo, Seattle Zoo, Vancouver BC New Music Festival.

Flynn has toured with Willy Porter, Erin McKeown, Ellis Paul, Great Big Sea , and Jerry Joseph. On her home turf (Pacific NW) Flynn has shared stages with Joan Baez, Nancy Griffith, Jonatha Brooke, Wilco, David Wilcox, Chris Smither, Chris Pureka, Melissa Ferrick, Michelle Malone, and Tegan and Sarah, among others, primarily at the Oregon Zoo and the Aladdin Theatre.

In addition, she has earned accolades in the Falcon Ridge Folk Festival Emerging Artist Showcase, Great American Song Contest, and the Willamette Valley Folk Fest New Song contest.

Antje Duvekot
"Antje Duvekot's provocative, dark-eyed ballads are becoming the talk of the folk world." ~ The Boston Globe

"I think she's going to be the next great American folk singer-songwriter." ~ Songwriting star Ellis Paul.

Solas was putting its career on the line. The Irish supergroup had risen to international stardom with its Celtic repertoire; but it would now release an entire CD of works by contemporary songwriters. They spent months hunting for just the right songs. As Solas founder Seamus Egan recalls now, "We knew it became much less risky if we had great songs."

"The Edge of Silence" was a critical and commercial triumph, and both Billboard and the Irish Echo said the CD's clear highlight was the writing of an obscure German-American songwriter named Antje Duvekot. Based on the quality of her writing, Solas' founder, Seamus Egan produced Duvekot's first major studio CD, "Big Dream Boulevard."

It is hard to recall when a fledgling folk songwriter has been more highly touted by her musical peers. Legendary producer Neil Dorfsman, who produced "Edge of Silence," and CDs by Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Sting, and Dire Straits, says, "Her songs are stunning paintings of color and shade, and always generate the heat and light that real art should."

"Somehow, she's able to open the personal out to be universal," Egan says, "which most songwriters aren't able to do. You know, they're able to get one or the other, but not both. That's something that separates Antje from the rest."

But first, you notice the voice. Where so many songwriters stretch for their highest notes, hoping to impress and astound, Duvekot bravely mines her deep reaches, where the dark feelings lurk. It softens her phrasing, leading us in with whispers, letting us know she believes every word she sings. Her melodies seem like suddenly occurring thoughts, matching the hushed, conversational allure of her singing. They feel so immediate, so in synch with her lyrics; and yet also snugly rooted, oddly familiar, like memories you can't quite recall. She sings, and writes, as if she thinks songs are important; not as a means to an end, but as tools of survival. And for her, that's just what they are.

Duvekot was born in Heidelberg, Germany and moved to Delaware with her family at the age of thirteen. She refers to music as her "lifeboat" during this difficult relocation. She discovered the subterranean folk world of urban songwriters like Ellis Paul, John Gorka, and Ani DiFranco. She made little tapes of them, and listened while she wandered through her strange new world. As she told the Boston Globe in 2005, "The only time I was truly happy as a teenager was walking around the neighborhood, listening to my folk tapes." "My English wasn't so good yet," she recalls now, "but I just loved the kind of melancholy, solitary aspect of the songs. And I could tell that these people were saying something important. That was profound and meaningful to me, even before I knew just what it was they were saying. It was like these artists were actually talking to me, not just making sounds." Duvekot believes that her bicultural upbringing, and her relative newness to English, helped shape her unique way with a song. "When I came to America," she says, "I wasn't communicating very well to other people, just to myself through my art. And I think that's a different way, not as linear or analytical. I was just kind of making up my own guerilla English, my own way of saying things. I didn't understand the right slang and clich�s, so I made up my own. visit Antje's myspace

Friday, November 9, 2007

Portia on Nip Tuck

Vava Vooom! Did you all see Portia on NIP/TUCK this week? Yikes! We recorded it and just watched it last night. Yummmmy. Even if you're not a NIP/TUCK fan, you should definitely watch this season as Julia (Joely Richardson) falls for Portia's character Olivia. No doubt there will be some juicy scenes, since NIP/TUCK is never one to takes the safe, PG road. Created/writer Ryan Murphy (who's also openly gay) is a genius.

Set your Tivos!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

What Happens in Vegas...

Stays in Vegas. Except for these little details from our trip to sin city:

We hit the city big this week to celebrate Nana's 82nd birthday. And what a time we had. After checking into the Wynn, Texas, Nana, my parents and I, hit their casino and hit it hard. Blackjack is Texas and my game and we don't mess around. We're all business until the dealer busts or one of us draws a blackjack. And then anything goes. Hoots and hollers, whistles, high fives or even a smooch at the table.

Overall, we did give sin city all of their chips back, but had a kick ass time losing. Doesn't that count for something? To us it does. Nana won, which was fitting, since it was her big birthday.

Aside from the endless games of blackjack we played, other highlights from our Vegas trip include: Naps by the pool. Ahhh. The sun was out and it was a scorcher to these Oregonians, especially this time of year. Although it was brave for Texas and I to put these painfully white bodies in bathing suits, we couldn't resist. Everyone needs Vitamin D that doesn't come in a multi-vitamin every now in then.

Le Reve was also a highlight, although we all agreed that O was far better. There was some girl on girl in Le Reve, however, which earned it some extra points from all of us, even Nana. Even though she's straight, she loves her some lesbian action. Not only is one of her granddaughters/soul mates a lesbo (me!), she also loves the L Word and has just discovered Exes and Ohs (on her own!). She's a great ally.

The world stopped turning on the last night when we stepped into the Las Vegas Hilton to see Barry Manilow. Holy Hell does that man put on a great show! We were all huge Barry fans going in and Nana was especially wooed by him. You probably wouldn't guess this, but I'm a biggest Fanilow out there, second only to Nana. Texas took me several years ago and I actually shook Barry's hand. I took some video for you to enjoy below. The first one is when Barry came out. The second when he sang "Even Now" and then when he ended up over our heads singing Copacabana on a jutting bridge. Fucking awesome!

Other mentionables:

- A great dinner at The Country Club (at the Wynn). The best steak ever.

- Spending quality time with my parents and Nana.

- Texas and I were at the Imperial Palace very late one night and this drunk chick (she left the table at one point to puke--Texas heard her in the bathroom) yelled across the table to Texas: YOU HAVE HUGE BOOBS! Texas had just hit a blackjack and had thrown her arms up, prompting the girl to notice and comment. It was hilarious. She was a frickin' mess. Knocking over her chips and burning holes in the felt. Classic.

- We were at Harrah's one afternoon, again, playing BJ, when the dealer asked Texas and I if were related (for the tenth time that trip). It happens ALL the time. No one ever assumes we're a couple. Ever.

"Sisters?" the man said.
"No," Texas sighed, rolling her eye. "Try again."
With that, the dealer, kidding and very dramatically said:
"Are you lessssbian lovvvvvers?"
"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Bingo!"

The table was kind of quiet after that.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

This Just In: Fat is Healthy

Just as we suspected. The federal Centers for Disease Control has determined that overweight people have a lower death rate than people who are normal or underweight. Overweight people are less likely to have Alzheimer's, Parkinson's and lung disease.

Which just goes to show that Stacy Bias and Fat Girl Speaks are onto something. Fat is not only healthy, it's just a normal part of the diversity of the human body. Plus, it's sexy as hell. Especially when you feel empowered to flaunt your fabulous flab. That's exactly what Lipstick & I witnessed at the Third Annual Fat Girl Speaks. Read our account from Curve magazine.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Dipstick's Cat Herbie

My cat Herbie likes birds. So do I. As a matter of fact, I have several bird feeders and a bird bath to entice them into my yard. But I thought it was cruel that she was catching them. After I pried a frightened, but unharmed goldfinch from her jaws, I decided it was time put a bell around her neck.

The warning bell seems to be working, because she hasn’t caught any birds since. She has, however, moved on to mice. Which is fine with me, I don’t really like mice and I’m not enticing them into my yard.

The only problem is, when Herbie catches a mouse, the first thing she does is run through her kitty door into the house with it. Where she promptly drops it on the floor. Still alive.

At which point my dog Rocky gets involved. He chases Herbie and the mouse hightails it. Usually under a bookcase or the fridge. The other night I heard a kafuffle. I knew it was Herbie with a mouse again. Under my dresser. She and the dog, keeping vigil. I don’t think it’s ever come out. I can only imagine one day I’m going to reach for a pair of socks to find a little mouse nestled in a pair of my smartwool hikers.

But the worst has already happened. One day my wife Tiger went down for an afternoon nap. The screams from the bedroom clearly announced what had happened. Yup, right under her pillow. You can bet I shake the sheets out before I climb into bed these days.

Monday, November 5, 2007

The Home Stretch... Or So I Hope

So, I've been working on a novel now for seven years. This is a different book than the one just released by Dipstick and I, which you can buy HERE.

For this work of fiction, which has been quite the labor of love, the first glimmer of inspiration came back in 2000. Notes mainly. In 2001, when I was in my creative writing program at Pacific Univeristy, it started to take form as my senior thesis.

I've completely rewritten it five times (that doesn't include the millions of revisions) and it's gone from first person to third person limited. Nearly every day of those seven years--save two patches when I was moving and when I was writing the L & D book--I have worked on this novel. Earlier this summer, I started looking for an literary agent. It was a grueling process, both emotionally and mentally. Just putting your work out there--especially fiction, for some reason--was a feat in itself.

Last month, I was picked up by a literary agent in New York, a woman I'm very excited about. I believe we've come together by fate. As an editorial agent, she's given me very insightful feedback that I've been applying to the novel for the last few weeks. I just got back from Kinkos, where I had the final draft bound so I could read it in the next fews days. I've also given a copy to Texas, Hoogs and Minx, who will be eagle-eyeing for me, too.

The novel, which is about two debutantes who fall in love, is a coming of age story that examines how fear, shame and money manifest in our lives. With it, like all artists, I hope to change the world--if only one life that's made easier because of the story.

Beyond the novel, I've also began adapting it to a screenplay, which is also really coming together. I'm about halfway done now. I will start marketing that in the next few weeks in tandem.

Send good creative juju in the universe for both projects. I could sure use it.

Cheers to the future.


PS: The picture is of me when I first started writing this novel. I kid; it's of me writing in high school at our kitchen table. How about that ponytail! I think I'd curled it with a curling iron.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Our Fans Chris & Christy

I met Chris & Christy (via email) before Exes and Ohs was ever aired on TV. But now, every time I see the show I think of them. If you haven't seen Exes and Ohs on Logo, there's a couple named Chris and Kris who are my favorite part of the show. They remind me of so many lesbian couples I know who fall into what we like to call "Lesbian Twin Syndrome."

I wonder if Chris & Christy wear matching sweaters, end each other sentences and have let their hair grow into the same style. When they go shopping for rain coats, does Chris get the blue one and Christy the red, of the same brand and style? Aside from sharing the close to the same name, I have faith that our fans Chris & Christy have better boundaries than that. But there are some of you out there who are dangerously close to becoming lesbian twins. Chances are you don't even see it.

To help you prevent Lesbian Twin Syndrome here are the Top 10 Things Dipstick says Lesbian Couples Should Never Do:

1. Poop when she’s in the bathroom. (ich!)
2. Always invite her to hang out with your friends.
3. Go somewhere or do something with her that you don’t really want to do. (Every once in a while is okay, but don’t make this a habit.)
4. Buy matching outfits.
5. Sell off your Ricky Martin CDs because she doesn’t like him.
6. Share underwear.
7. Share a Myspace page.
8. Share a diary.
9. Speak for both of you, saying things like, “We feel.. We think, etc.”
10. Buy a bicycle built for two.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Halloween Recap

Waaa waaa

Halloween is over and holy hell did we have a ton of trick-r-treaters last night. Texas and I think we had at least 75 kids, several of which (young ones) were too afraid to walk all the way to the front door. We also had a strange Asian couple (along with their very old mother) ring our doorbell around 8:30 with no costumes on. If they hadn't been with grandma, I would have assumed they were on shrooms of ecstasy or some sort of other hallucinogenic. All they did was laugh as I put KitKats in their pockets. The last group of the night, a gaggle of older boys (they always freak us out and are the reason we end up locking the door) stole a piece of our Halloween fixings in the front yard. Sadly, the arm sticking from the bushes (which I've had since college) will no longer be a part of future Halloweens. Bastards!

I suppose, however, it's payback for something I did in my younger years when, believe it or not, I used to be quite the hellion. I know, hard to believe, right? Well believe it. Pinion and Marbles and I used to raise Cain like you wouldn't believe...

The video is of our front porch.

Church Forced to Pay $11 Million

Doesn't it feel good when justice is served?

This just in from AOL:

Funeral Protests Cost Church $11 Million