Spiders in My Garden

I don’t know what it is about Fall in Oregon, but it seems to be spider season. They’re in my garden, in my office, in the bathroom and around the outdoor light fixtures.

Back when my cat Chicken was alive, I used to hoist her on my shoulder and we would go around the house hunting spiders. Chicken loved spiders. I’d say, “Chicky get the spider!” And she’d start purring and smack a spider with her little paw. Then she’d jump down on the floor and eat it.

We had fun, but Tiger, my girlfriend, didn’t like it. She says spiders in the house are good luck and you’re not supposed to kill them. Don’t tell her I finally offed the one in my office that kept spinning a web around my alarm clock. Annoying. Besides, it was probably one of those poisonous brown recluses.

Every year, I seem to get a few really HUGE spiders around my compost bin. I think those are really cool and I don’t kill them. They would probably try to kill me. I mean these things are HUGE. Think mice-size. Or at least shrimp size. Well, I know those aren’t things we normally think of as big, but we’re talking about insects, not rodents or crustaceans.

Obviously, I’m not much of an entomologist, but I wonder about these spiders. What happens to them in the winter? Do they just grow and grow and grow and then die when it gets cold? Do they lay eggs before they die? And why are the big ones by the compost? Are they eating the worms?

That’s the thing about nature. It makes you wonder. And takes your mind off other things, like the economy and the woman who could be president. Gotta love the spiders.

Sarah Palin: Is She For Real?

Which is real and which is Saturday Night Live? It's really hard hard to tell, isn't it?  I think I am more scared than I have ever been in my life.  Are there really still Americans out there who believe this woman is ready to run our country? Of all the qualified American citizens, this is really who John McCain picked? What does that say about him? 

Even if I agreed with her right-wing politics, I don't think I could get behind this woman. Listen in:

CURVE Personals Advice

So, my good friend and I were trolling the CURVE Personals the other night looking to find her a date and I was amazed. You see, it's the first time I'd ever been on the CURVE Personals and had no idea that so many women were so clueless about how to best represent themselves. If you haven't been to CURVE's new website, you should check it out. If you haven't been to CURVE Personals and you're single, check that out, too. The word on the street with single girls is that CURVE's the best roundup of women on the Internet.

In light of this revelation (lesbians don't know how to properly put themselves out there), I decided to jot down some tips for those of you who are out there or thinking about joining. Here goes:

++ In the photos section of your page, don't only put pictures of your dog. People want to see YOU.

++ In the same vein, don't just put one picture--the best one ever taken of you nine years ago in a group at the perfect angle. Give people at least four to see and represent yourself accurately.

++ Don't have the photos of you be taken from across the street or with any sort of crazy Photoshop filter. Again, let women see YOU for who you really are.

++ Be truthful about your stats. I saw women who said they had an athletic body, who clearly didn't. Maybe they like sports, and maybe back in the day they had an athletic build, but not so much anymore. What people want to know is what's going on NOW.

++ I also think CURVE should add a "Fuck Off" or "Scram" button to the application next to the "Smile" button. That way, when interested people contact you even though they're NOTHING like what you said you're looking for in your profile, you can get rid of them. The explicative button would be for those clingy lezzies who just don't take a hint. My friend tells me there are plenty of them.

++ Also in the same vein, read what each woman is looking for (physically and romantically) before you write her. Don't waste anyone's time, including yours.

++ Choose your photos carefully. Not only is it important to pick ones that accurately represent you, but don't put "come and fuck me" pics of you half naked. Save this behavior for our gay brothers.

++ When you "smile" at too many people or to the same women too many times, there should be an error button that pops up and say, "Calm Down" or "Cool it." Use that smile button with some discretion. When you smile, mean it.

Lindsay Lohan Confirms Her Lezzie Love

What a week the gay world has had! I know it's old news now, but in case you live under a rock or in a lesbian commune with no running water or electricity, Lindsay Lohan finally confirmed her relationship with Sam Ronson to the syndicated radio show Loveline earlier this week. (This photo was taken the next day.)

Here is how the conversation went:

"You guys, you and Samantha, have been going out for how long now?" DJ Ted Stryker asked. "Like, two years, one year, five months, two months?"

"For a very long time," Lohan said after laughing.

------

Lohan's publicist said that she and Sam are actually not engaged to be married, contrary to rumors that they'll tie the knot in November.

This whole thing with Lindsay is really curious to me, as I think it's indicative of what is happening in the world. While there are still people coming out on the cover of People Magazine (hello Gayken, who I just learned got a whopping $500,000 for the exclusive), the way Lindsay's handled herself and her relationship is sort of trailblazing. Unlike so many celebs who go to great length to hide their sexuality, she never has. Sure she didn't want to discuss it, but she never denied it (maybe her folks did, but she didn't) and she was always super affectionate in public, despite the swarming paparazzi.

Perhaps this is not only a sign that being gay and coming out is not as formidable as it used to be and it wasn't certain career suicide, but that, in general, people are caring less and less about who's gay and who's not. They realize that sexuality is fluid and no one else's business. There's less shock value and that's a good thing for the droves who are still behind their closed doors. Come out, come out wherever you are!

Obama VS Palin/McCain

So, a month or so ago, I confessed that I was raised as a Republican and that--being the strong-headed woman I am--it only made sense that I was President of the Teenage Republicans in high school. [I cringed as I wrote that, I swear.] It was before I'd taken a hard look at the issues and before I had any sense of self, so I was really just another sheep. That all said, I got a free trip to Washington DC with my best friend Mel (see rap sheet to find out how being a Republican worked out for her, but then again, I'm on the same rap sheet, so being a liberal now hasn't faired me well either). Since we were from Arizona (I grew up in Scottsdale), we got to do a meet and greet with a much-younger, cancer-free Senator John McCain. For hours last night, I tore my condo apart looking for the picture I know I have (somewhere!!!) of he and I together, but couldn't find it. I posted this one of he and Melanie, since I was the Republican who took it. Good enough?

Thanks Goddess sake I've since wised up. And besdies, politics--and what each party represents--has really changed since I roamed my high school halls.

Anyhoo, I say all this because I haven't been able to tear myself away from CNN and MSNBC since 3pm this afternoon. It's too fascinating and I'm all caught up in Republican nostalgia because this week (especially tonight) Americans are watching the ticket of McCain/Palin (soon to be McCain/Romney my brother and I predict) implode. Seriously, McCain's move to cancel Letterman and try and bail on the debate and then, once in DC, fuck it all up? And I can hardly even write about Palin's interview with Katie Couric. It was like driving by a horrible car accident. I'll let you be the judge; her soundbites about Russia are below.

In honor of Republican Implosion Day, I give you the below counterpoint (below Youtube). Read it, digest it and think hard about who you're voting for on November 3rd, which just so happens to be one day before Melanie's birthday. Happy early birthday Meline!

Point counter point for Barack Obama and Palin/McCain:

* If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different."
* Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American story.

* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
* Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.

* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.

* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.

* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
* If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.
* If your husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

Christian Singer Ray Boltz is Gay

It must be in the air...What a brave, brave man. Contemporary Christian singer Ray Boltz has officially come out to the Washington Blade. Apparently, in 2004, the day the tsunami hit all of Asia, he told his family his truth and has now, four years later, decided to tell the world. You can read the whole article HERE.

His biggest Gospel hit was a song called Thank You and you can watch him sing it below.

Congrats Ray! Your brave step will help many, many people stand in their truth, so THANK YOU! Today is officially Ray Boltz day.

Clay Aiken Comes Out

The world is round! The economy is in trouble!

Big news: Clay Aiken FINALLY opened his closet door this week. [*sigh of relief*] This tormented American-Idol-almost-winner can finally sleep well because he came out on the cover of People Magazine this week and confirmed what every person in America already knew: he's a fudge packer.

The cover shot of People--a photo with his new son (he used a surrogate, music mogul David Foster's sister!)--is paired with People's now infamous line (originated by trailblazer Ellen Degeneres on Time Magazine in 1997) "YES, I'M GAY."

He said he decided to come out because he didn't want to raise his child amidst the lies and teach him that hiding is okay.

This comes out (eh hem) right before National Coming Out Day, which is October 11th. Maybe his bravery will inspire other closets celebs to step out, too (yes Kevin Spacey, Queen Latifah, Lindsay Lohan, Ricky Martin, Tom Cruise and Mr. Rogers, I'm talking to you).

Way to go Clay! Welcome to the party! Life will be a lot easier now.