Sunday, September 28, 2008

CURVE Personals Advice

So, my good friend and I were trolling the CURVE Personals the other night looking to find her a date and I was amazed. You see, it's the first time I'd ever been on the CURVE Personals and had no idea that so many women were so clueless about how to best represent themselves. If you haven't been to CURVE's new website, you should check it out. If you haven't been to CURVE Personals and you're single, check that out, too. The word on the street with single girls is that CURVE's the best roundup of women on the Internet.

In light of this revelation (lesbians don't know how to properly put themselves out there), I decided to jot down some tips for those of you who are out there or thinking about joining. Here goes:

++ In the photos section of your page, don't only put pictures of your dog. People want to see YOU.

++ In the same vein, don't just put one picture--the best one ever taken of you nine years ago in a group at the perfect angle. Give people at least four to see and represent yourself accurately.

++ Don't have the photos of you be taken from across the street or with any sort of crazy Photoshop filter. Again, let women see YOU for who you really are.

++ Be truthful about your stats. I saw women who said they had an athletic body, who clearly didn't. Maybe they like sports, and maybe back in the day they had an athletic build, but not so much anymore. What people want to know is what's going on NOW.

++ I also think CURVE should add a "Fuck Off" or "Scram" button to the application next to the "Smile" button. That way, when interested people contact you even though they're NOTHING like what you said you're looking for in your profile, you can get rid of them. The explicative button would be for those clingy lezzies who just don't take a hint. My friend tells me there are plenty of them.

++ Also in the same vein, read what each woman is looking for (physically and romantically) before you write her. Don't waste anyone's time, including yours.

++ Choose your photos carefully. Not only is it important to pick ones that accurately represent you, but don't put "come and fuck me" pics of you half naked. Save this behavior for our gay brothers.

++ When you "smile" at too many people or to the same women too many times, there should be an error button that pops up and say, "Calm Down" or "Cool it." Use that smile button with some discretion. When you smile, mean it.


cmoore said...

Wow, this is SO dead on. And hilarious. You should pull some strings to get that "Scram" button. Although I don't mind *all* of the half-naked pics...

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