Thursday, August 14, 2008

Question :: Bi & Baffled

Dear Lipstick & Dipstick: I have been married for six years. Before we married, my husband was okay with the fact that I was bisexual. A year ago, I met a woman whom I have fallen in love with. When this attraction hit, I shared it with my husband. He was disgusted, saying that she was so butch that it is like being with another man. This woman and I have been intimate for nine months, but my husband doesn't know. My sex life with him has diminished and when we do have sex, I think about her the entire and cry during and after because I feeling like I'm cheating on her. Now, he has asked me to cut off all contact with her. My husband is wonderful and I don't want to hurt him, but my relationship with this woman is getting serious. I love my husband but, I am in love with her. I need assurance that I won't destroy my husband if I leave my current life for the person that completes me.Bi & Baffled

Lipstick: If I had a dollar for every married woman that’s been swooned by a butch, I could retire in Provincetown and paint irises for the rest of my life. I wonder how many marriages Shane from the L Word has destroyed. BB, you have two choices: you can stay or you can go. Simple as that. Either recommit to your husband (no matter how much better she is in bed) or let this tortured man go. Both choices have consequences and both involve pain, but something must be done or all of you are going to go friggin’ nuts. Your sitch is a clusterfuck and what really gets me is the dyke you’ve fallen for—how many times do we have to tell you ladies NOT to fall for married women?! Will they ever listen, Dipstick?

Dipstick: No Lipstick, they’ll never learn. Bi-girl, your husband was okay with you being bi because he thought there was a chance he’d land in bed with two women. He never considered you’d leave and find bliss on your own. If you’re in love with another, it is unfair to stay with your husband. You say he’s a nice guy, but any man who continues having sex with someone who cries during and after is pathetic. And so are you for putting yourself through all this. Stop worrying about hurting your husband; you already have. It’s time to face the consequences and leave him for the lez. Sister butch, are you reading too? Warning: This woman has already proven one thing, she’s a cheater. Lipstick and I won’t be surprised if the next letter is from you, needing advice about the bi-double-dipper you’ve fallen for.


Alana Noel Voth said...

Nicely expressed, Lip & Dip. Very smart. Solid.

I'm still anticipating the moment a gorgeous butch sweeps me off my feet. Awesome!

Anonymous said...

I certainly don't identify with how this woman is handling her situation, but I just want to say that being bisexual is not an easy thing. A lot of us don't know we're bisexual when we get married, or repress it. Some of us want to be in a committed monogamous relationship, and love the person we marry so much that we just honor the part that's attracted to men (or women),and use fantasy to take care of the other needs.

Bisexuality is a tough one. I don't agree with how this woman is handling things, but I sympathisize with some of her feelings.

Anonymous said...

been there, done that...i've had a relationship with a married lady (a former best gf who refused to admit her bisexuality) whose hubby gave her the green light to be with me!

alas, he also got miffed when she spent more time with me than him...and i'm not even butch (i'm kinda more like gina gershon in "prey for rock and roll")...

lip & dip, you have it right...he WAS probably hoping to wind up in bed with two women...and never considered that his wife might fall for her...and he was DISGUSTED at "the other woman" being a butch, too? hmm...sounds like he's upset that the standard het male fantasy of being with two "hot" women got crushed to bits....sorry, charlie!

i wish you the best, "bi and baffled", but ultimately the choice is up to you...