The Birds & The Bees

I never knew why when parents talk about sex, they say "the birds and the bees." I've seen birds have sex, sure, but isn't it more likely that you'd see two dogs fu*king than you'd see two bees doing it?

Well, today must have been my lucky day because I saw two bees getting down and dirty in my tomato plants. The video didn't come out too well, but here's a photo. After the she bee was done, she just kicked the male off her. Gotta love nature!

Looking for Someone to Kiss This New Year's Eve?

If you're trolling the internet for a little angel to kiss this New Year's Eve, consider this a late Christmas present. I recently posted this blog on Curve's website: Lip's Tips: Curve Personals Advice. If you're new (or even old) to the online dating scene, you must heed this advice.

Tristan Taormino Coming to Portland This Week!

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Who Likes Lesbian Erotica?

Lipstick does. And so does Dipstick. Our sexy friend, Shanna Germain, an oh-so-talented-writer will be reading from the new Best Lesbian Erotica this Thursday at Powell's on Hawthorne. The book journeys into the world of lesbian sex with uncommon, edgy stories that push lesbian lust and desire to new heights.

I've been to Shanna's erotica readings before and they're always smoking hot. Grab a wet washcloth, a bag of ice and get your asses down to Powell's Thursday night. Join Dip and I as we celebrate lesbian erotica! Yahooo.

Her story, "Native Tongue," is a tale of language, long-term relationships, affairs, hope and, of course, hot lesbian sex! She'll also be signing books, as well as answering questions about writing, erotica, reading and anything else that you can think of to throw at her!




DETAILS
Thursday, March 6th @ 7:30pm
Powell's Books on Hawthorne
3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd. (800) 878-7323

Baseball Fever

The Red Socks won the World Series. I've never been a huge baseball fan, but my whole family is from Boston, so I thought I'd tune into the game so we would have something to talk about over Thanksgiving. What I saw shocked and amazed me. I mean, I'd heard of switch hitters, but I thought it had something to do with batting. Not bisexuals. But apparently, baseball is full of guys who like other guys. And they had no qualms about showing it.

Here's just a few examples of what I saw:

As the pitcher prepared to throw the ball, the ump pulled on his crotch. As if on cue, the catcher crouched down behind home plate. The hunky umpire sidled up behind him and gently placed his hand on the catcher’s back. The ump wiggled in a little closer.

Sure, I’d heard about the sport. Making it to first base, hitting a home run. Striking out. I thought those were euphemisms. I began to see, this game really is about sex!

But it wasn't just the catcher and the ump. The pitcher was involved too. He was staring at the catcher’s crotch as the catcher was making some kind of obscene gesture in front of his privates. Was this man’s mother watching? Even the pitcher seemed disgusted, he kept shaking his head no, as if to say, save it for later, in the locker room. Finally the catcher stopped with the gestures and the pitcher nodded, good, lets get back to playing the game and threw out a pitch.

Who knew this was going on! When pro ball player Billy Bean came out, he said there were plenty of gay men playing baseball. Well, duh! That's pretty obvious! I just didn't know there were as many gay men playing baseball as there were lesbians playing softball.

QUESTION :: Slippery & Single

Dear Lipstick & Dipstick
Recently, I hooked up with this woman on a one night stand. She was hot and smooth and did all the right things until we made it to the bedroom. Then, she was like a child in her first sandbox, unsure of the right thing to do. She not only had the ickiest and cheapest toys, she didn’t even have any lube. Is it proper hook-up etiquette to bring your own toys and lube on a first date? Slippery & Single


Dipstick: Absolutely! Every lezzie girl scout knows the first rule of the road is, “Be Prepared!” Single gals should always carry a “just in case” kit whenever there’s the chance of scoring—which really is ANYTIME. Not only is it not tacky to bring your own toys, it’s good etiquette. And a few more things, not everyone is as skilled in the bedroom as The L Word’s Shane. Do the entire lesbian community a favor and teach this puppy a few new tricks. Her future partners will thank you. Finally, Dipstick says it’s much better to walk than drive an ‘88 Yugo with no motor oil. If the toys are inadequate, go au naturel.

Lipstick: Beyond bringing your own accoutrement, crack the whip, sweetie, and call this hottie in from recess. Lure her out the sandbox (L note: there’s nothing like a sandy crotch to kill the mood) and teach her a few lessons. Lesson #1: invest in your toys, ones that are not only versatile, but also durable and delicious. Hold up her hollow, antiquated weenie next to your malleable, pulsating jewel. The visual should do it, but if you don’t see the light bulb, show her the benefits of your pearly rabbit. Then, move to Lesson #2: get out your lube and squirt a dollop in the palm of her hand. In fact, just empty the bottle and wrestle her to the ground. Once her boobs are sliding against yours, she’ll fully realize the benefits of the girly grease and keep it within arms reach next time!

A picture is worth a thousand orgasms

As Lipstick and I were making our way to the San Francisco Pride Parade, we ran across this sad discarded bunny. How did she end up in the middle of the road? Was she perhaps ejaculated out in a moment of ecstasy? Or was there a Market Street orgy after the Dyke March that we weren't invited to?

Whatever the case, we just feel for Bunny. She looks so disjected, used and discarded. Dear readers, please don't treat your sex toys this way. When it's time for them to retire, give them the proper burial they deserve.